Dear Taylor…

Th150

I know Workplay is coming up…and I also know that all of your hardcore stalkers fans will be there. I know you’re probably looking for some sage advice on how to handle all the adulation. So, because I love to tell you what to do, here ya go:

1. If you’re invited to a family reunion, but it’s not your family…don’t go. There’s a couple of sis fans that would like to bring you into the fold. And by into the fold, I really mean lock you in their basement.

2. These people know where your parents live. Don’t go there. Better yet, send them to Tahiti for a second honeymoon. It will save them a lot of grief.

3. They also know where you like to go for your meat and three. Get delivery.

4. Can you swing by Georgia and pick Bill up? I miss him.

5. We recommend promoting Clay to “Drink Tester”. Don’t drink anything that a fan has bought you unless Clay has first. If he doesn’t pass out in a drug stupor within 30 seconds, you’re fine. Consume at will.

6. Tell your family and your inner circle, no new friends this weekend. It doesn’t matter if they’re friends on Facebook or not.

7. When you get drunk and go out at 2am, there will be cameras and video wherever you go. Stay locked up. Drink alone. This is why you need to pick up Bill.

Most of all, have fun and SOUL PAH-TROL!!

Yours in unbridled sarcasm,

Straw

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62 Responses to “Dear Taylor…”

  1. LOL! Great advice oh wise one! What a shame he has to be so careful in his own hometown. Seriously tho I’m kinda worried about his health. He has some kind of virus and he missed his Grease performance last night. I hope he’s up to B-ham week.

  2. haha AIG – I hope he reads your blog AND takes your great tips to heart!

    Sierra – hadn’t heard that – would totally bum him out I think, if he was sick for his planned B’ham events.

  3. LOL. Funny! As to his illness bummer. Hope he feels better really fast. Put that chicken soup on IV. LOL. As much flying as he does I’m surprised he doesn’t get sick more often. Planes with the bad air are just a can of germs.

  4. Grey, you have a good sense of humor and are ballsy. What would we do without you?

  5. Someone on Ning said that management popped in last night to tell everyone Tay was feeling much better. 🙂

  6. LOL! Funny stuff-Sierra, Taylor always gets allergies when he goes down south. Every time I go to B’ham mine act up really bad and it feels like I’m dying.

    Hopefully he will stay away from the rif-raf and enjoy his time with his family and true inner-circle of friends. The stalkers are all traveling in packs so they have plenty to keep them busy. 😉

  7. Hey Grey,

    Glad I stopped by to read this brilliant post. The sad part is that most of it is soooo true. To those of you that will be there, have a great time in B’ham, it is a very nice town.

  8. hicksaholic Says:

    Hilarious but good sound advice. I’m going- can’t wait! Not sure my old roommate from college who I am dragging along is up for all the fan excitement. It will be almost as much fun watching her react to what she sees as watching Taylor. Hopefully she will not run screaming from the concert. Taylor has opening night tonite and the big afterparty at the Rogue Tavern so I am sure some reports will show up soon on the Boogie.
    IAG, maybe you could get a job as Taylor’s Dear Abby or Maharashi or whatever those spiritual advisers are called to make sure Taylor is always getting good advice.
    Wish Charcoal would drop in with a few words of wisdom. He may be waiting for it to all play out and then come with a few choice comments.

  9. willpen, long time no see!

  10. Maybe Charcoal is getting ready to film the crowd at Workplay?
    Maybe to prove that some people can or cannot dance?
    Don’t know how to add smiley.

  11. cendrillon0308 Says:

    Love your “prediction/instruction posts” IAG. I’m looking forward to B’ham this weekend but planning to enjoy the concert from the back of the Workplay theater to avoid the overzealous fans.

  12. OK, this will be long, but it’s worth it. After Lady Ga-Ga’s weird performance at the VMAs, I had to read the lyrics to the song she performed. They’re totally relevant to this topic:

    “Paparazzi”

    We are the crowd
    We’re cuh-coming out
    Got my flash on it’s true
    Need that picture of you
    It’s so magical
    We’d be so fantastic, oh

    Leather and jeans
    Garage glamorous
    Not sure what it means
    But this photo of us
    It don’t have a price
    Ready for those flashing lights
    ‘Cause you know that baby I-

    I’m your biggest fan
    I’ll follow you until you love me
    Papa-Paparazzi
    Baby there’s no other superstar
    You know that I’ll be your-
    Papa-Paparazzi

    Promise I’ll be kind
    But I won’t stop until that boy is mine
    Baby you’ll be famous
    Chase you down until you love me
    Papa-Paparazzi

    I’ll be your girl backstage at your show
    Velvet ropes and guitars
    Yeah cause you know I’m starting between the sets
    Eyeliner and cigarettes

    Shadow is burnt, yellow dance and return
    My lashes are dry – purple teardrops I cry
    It don’t have a price
    Loving you is Cherry Pie
    ‘Cause you know that baby I

    I’m your biggest fan
    I’ll follow you until you love me
    Papa-Paparazzi
    Baby there’s no other superstar
    You know that I’ll be your
    Papa-Paparazzi

    Promise I’ll be kind
    But I won’t stop until that boy is mine
    Baby you’ll be famous
    Chase you down until you love me
    Papa-paparazzi

    Real good, We’re dancing in the studio
    Stop-stopped, That shit on the radio
    Don’t stop, for anyone
    We’re plastic but we still have fun

    I’m your biggest fan
    I’ll follow you until you love me
    Papa-Paparazzi
    Baby there’s no other superstar
    You know that I’ll be your
    Papa-Paparazzi

    Promise I’ll be kind
    But I won’t stop until that boy is mine
    Baby you’ll be famous
    Chase you down until you love me
    Papa-paparazzi

  13. “I’ll follow you until you love me, chase you down until you love me…” *shudders*

  14. cendrillon0308 Says:

    September 23, 2009 at 6:37 am
    Love your “prediction/instruction posts” IAG. I’m looking forward to B’ham this weekend but planning to enjoy the concert from the back of the Workplay theater to avoid the overzealous fans.
    ===============================================
    Those tables in the back are great! The accoustics are awesome and you can see the stage without any problems. If someone wants to be rude and block your view-the staff is real quick to have them sit down. Try for the very corner in the back-wonderful table!

  15. I don’t know the capacity of Workplay but I assume about 300 or so at most. Very early this morning I read on the BB about the excitement of the local Bama citizens who wanted to see Tay in Grease. Fridays Workplay gig has been sold out for quite a while, the BB group will be there in force as well as other online fans and diehards. Those who are seeing him for the 9th, 10th, or 20 something time may be preventing some of the locals who loved him on AI from seeing him sing live in concert in their own city. Several 40, 50 and 60 some year olds could be preventing some 20 and 30 yr olds from seeing and hearing him for the 1st or 2nd time. He has been all over the local Bham TV and that will help fill the theatre for Grease, but dang it, how will his former classmates at Hoover High and college and even distance relatives get to see him do his thing with the band live! SP this isn’t The Roxy or even Houstan and he will have other gigs down the road. Anyway, I hope Spin is still going and Fairhope and Hicksaholic and some others who will give us their recap. Hopefully the ones who have gone to dozens of Grease performances and concerts won’t be lining up to have him sign something and will give space for the locals to have eye contact, face to face or even that so called eye fuck.

  16. Caryl, I didn’t get the drift of those song lyrics. I took it to be about the paparazzi who follow stars for a living and not about the fans of stars. I was a fail as an English major due to my wrong interp of poetry, so I swithced to Econ and then Psychology. Now I just type stupid stuff about some guy who won American Idol.

  17. Well, Rosie, you could take it that way (the song is titled “Paparazzi), still, some if the lyrics are so fitting for Taylor’s fans:

    We are the crowd
    We’re cuh-coming out
    Got my flash on it’s true
    Need that picture of you
    It’s so magical
    We’d be so fantastic, oh

    And:

    But this photo of us
    It don’t have a price

    And:

    I’m your biggest fan
    I’ll follow you until you love me

    Baby there’s no other superstar
    You know that I’ll be your-
    Papa-Paparazzi

    And:

    Promise I’ll be kind
    But I won’t stop until that boy is mine

    Chase you down until you love me
    Papa-paparazzi

  18. Caryl, I don’t need song lyrics to be freaked out or to feel pity for Taylor. I’ve been a diligent reader and poster online for over a year. He smiles in all the pics I’ve seen of him with fans. But how many photos will some women demand of him? We know what he looks like and can identify you by your tag. After just a year I find it a bore and a chore to read what new gift you gave him, what words you and your friend said to him, and even to read your opinion of how he seemed. Why are you even in line to see him yet again? Am I nutty or not a good fan?

  19. Hopefully the ones who have gone to dozens of Grease performances and concerts won’t be lining up to have him sign something and will give space for the locals to have eye contact, face to face or even that so called eye fuck.
    ==========================================
    LOL! Rosie-You made my day.

  20. cendrillon0308 Says:

    Thanks casualfan. Bring on Taylor and the tags!

  21. cendrillon0308 Says:

    September 23, 2009 at 6:38 pm
    Thanks casualfan. Bring on Taylor and the tags!
    ===========================================
    Most welcome 😉 Ignore the loopies and have a great time! No doubt T will be in top form and give one hell of a show.

  22. Good Lord . . . I see myself in that picture.

  23. hicksaholic Says:

    Funny Soulaz! Thank God I was at one of the tables in the back casual fan was referring to. I think I told you about my first adventure at Workplay. Got there early to stand in line to get in the bar to get in the line to get in the concert to get a table. Complicated huh? Standing peacefully in line waiting on the doors to open at their allotted time. They did and this bitch rushed past me and got the best table. I was pissed, principle of the thing. Anyway got into the concert area early and got a table. Luckily most of the more over zealous fans wanted to press against the stage. This time I am going with a roommate from college who will think I have lost my fricking mind if I start fighting with another fan to get the best spot to see Taylor. So I am going relaxed and hopefully with the flow. I do have it in my plan to hunt down MN Sue and Nola just to meet them but after that I am just there to enjoy Taylor from afar(or at least that is the plan so far) I’m going to Grease tomorrow night too. But I am already getting withdrawals because I have been to Smith’s. Beau Rivage and now Bham. I keep hoping he will add HOB in NO. If he does I am going solo and meeting Nola even though she doesn’t know it.

  24. hicksaholic Says:

    Yea Caryl
    I went to one meet and greet(won it on Headquarters) After waiting for over an hour we were herded to a table where Taylor was signing and posing for one picture. Afterwards I was thinking what the hell am I doing? I don’t know him, he doesn’t know me and doesn’t want to know me. That was it for me. I will just enjoy the show. I did stay afterwards at Beau Rivage though to watch all the hoopla. That was fun.

  25. hicksaholic – after reading your post from 7:43 p.m. I can see why you chose that screen name, posting name, online name whatever it’s called – LOL

  26. hicksaholic – maybe I was one of the overly zealous fans back then, because I was in the front row, pressed up against the stage. But I didn’t push and claw my way there. Some tall people traded places with me. It pays to be short and nice to people.

  27. Wait a minute…I’m short. Oh, I think it’s the being nice to people that I sometimes have a problem with. 😆

  28. Rosie: I hope Taylor drinks lots of beer at Workplay because the only eye fuck he would give me is the crossed-eyed fuck!

  29. IAG – hahha – YEAH I’m short too, but when I was in front of the stage, experiencing Tay-Live, I think the peeps behind me just thought I was something to LEAN on! (so okay I am also a little ‘cushiony’) ha

  30. Not sure if you guys saw this interview. If it’s been posted I apologize. I love his answer when asked about a girlfriend and the look on his face when the guy asked him if he would be interested in any journalistic women. ROFLAMO!

    http://cfc.abc3340.com/videoondemand.cfm?id=49175

  31. You couldn’t pay me to press the stage again. I did that once at the Chicago HOB concert. I had a great time seeing Taylor (and KeB Mo!) up close, but once was enough. I swear someone thought my butt came with a Friends with Benefits sticker. I’ll hang with the kewl kids towards the back.

  32. hicksaholic, I hope you can find me in your search. Would love to meet you too but I have no idea who I would be looking for. LOL (Do I? Is there a picture of you someplace?)

    IAG, great advice to Taylor. I especially liked #’s 2, 4, &7. LOL!! I’m sure his family’s houses have already been stalked… And I hope he has body guards…

    Caryl, the words to that song were so fitting! I got creeped out again reading some of that… I REALLY don’t need any more pictures myself, but I will probably take some. I don’t have any of Josh and I understand he is to be there. I just love taking pictures in general! It’s part of my nature and always has been since I was a kid. I’m sure I won’t be able to resist and will take one or two (or 50) of Taylor too. (Hangs head in shame…) Thing is I put it on burst mode. That way I don’t have to take them constantly but am likely to get a good one or two in the burst. But I do end up with gobs of pictures. Just see my Biloxi slideshow! I have not had time to purge them yet so there are way to many…. makes me feel like a papa-paparazzi. :0

  33. Safe travels to everyone going to Birmingham over the next few days! I’ll be leaving Friday early and praying the whole way that my car makes it. I don’t care if it breaks down after that! Just let me get there in time to go to the concert. LOL

  34. Rosie, I don’t think any of Taylor’s traveling fans are going to make it impossible for hometown people to see him. Sat is not sold out and I’m sure there are still seats to be had for Grease.

  35. Dee – very good point you make. IMO – even if ALL Bham venues were sold out – if hometown people wanted to see him perform they could (and should) be PART of that sold-out crowd. Everyone has the same opportunity to purchase tickets and I don’t think anyone should have to hold off getting theirs just in case someone else MIGHT want to attend.

    I am not trying to defend anyone and personally I am unable to attend- just sayin’…..I would if I could!!

  36. hicksaholic Says:

    What time are y’all going to Workplay? I don’t want to go too early. I would love to get a seat in the upper section but I guess that won’t happen unless I was willing to get there at 5. I figure 8 is plenty of time don’t y’all think?
    Nola I don’t have any pictures of me out there because I am not too technically savvy. I was planning on asking Legacy, or somebody that I recognize to point you out. i do know MN Sue has red hair and a northern accent obviously. I may or may not be successful in my quest. Would have been easier at Smith’s.
    Off to look for a picture of Nola

  37. Hicksaholic, MNSue knows me so she might be able to point me out. Are you on BB? Send me a PM and I will give you some info that might help you in your quest. 😉

    Now here is smooth, cool Taylor playing with Frankie Velvet and the Mighty Velvetones in B’ham this week at the opening night cast party. This is a professional video. Very cool.

  38. BTW, he looks really sharp in that brown suit. And I’m glad to see that John Kulinich is growing back his beard. 🙂

    One thing I’m really excited about this weekend is to be seeing Josh Smith for the first time. (Well, actually, he might have been with Taylor in New Orleans back in ’07 but I didn’t know who any of them were at that time. Just that the whole band was fantastic.)

  39. He smiles in all the pics I’ve seen of him with fans. But how many photos will some women demand of him? We know what he looks like and can identify you by your tag. After just a year I find it a bore and a chore to read what new gift you gave him, what words you and your friend said to him, and even to read your opinion of how he seemed. Why are you even in line to see him yet again? Am I nutty or not a good fan?
    ______________________________________________________________

    I agree with a lot of what you say Rosie. I got my pic with him and I got my autograph- I don’t feel a need for any more. Besides, I think he hates the meet and greets. Why make him go through something he hates? Oh and I didn’t bring a gift. LOL! Does that make me a bad fan? 😉

  40. Sierra and Rosie – I agree too – but I wonder what he would think if suddenly nobody wanted to have a ‘meet and greet’ with him? (ha – like that would ever happen) – but think of it…he might be glad he doesn’t have to, but also might wonder if he needs a new deoderant! LOL LOL

  41. Nolamar thanks for posting that video. Taylor has become a clothes horse and notice his instrument matches the suit. BTW I didn’t mean you were wrong to take pics, you are new at being a fan. The reality is no one is wrong to go see him for the 50th time and he needs such fans. I wish I had a photo of he and I as I’d show it to everyone I know. I’m a Tay nut, I even make home made Birthday cards using his pics and write sayings such as Taylor is looking mighty fine because Nancy is now 49 and inflict them on friends and family. I hope you and everyone going to Bham have a great time and I wish I were there. He has been so busy this week with all the media and Grease and The Rogue and then Workplay and I admire his talent and drive. I’m hoping Nils pays us a visit to describe hunky, sexy Tay.

  42. I think he hates m&gs, but loves the money they bring. He has the same exact fake smile on in every picture, might as well just take a picture with the cardboard cutout in the lobby. It’s the same thing.

    Taylor is a market, and we’re buying. I’ll still buy. 😉

  43. LOL. Rosie, had to laugh at your birthday card idea. LOL. I’d try that but I’m right on the edge with my family as being totally out of my mind. LOL. Can’t let them see how obsessed I really am. LOL.

  44. LOL WaitForMe! I have to agree with you about the cardboard cutout! I won’t buy, mostly cause I ain’t got the money to buy it.

  45. I think he has had a few M&Gs after Grease when only 1 or 2 were present. What do they cost, about $100.00 I think I read somewhere. Does he get to keep all the money? I wouldn’t be shy talking to him alone but he might not like my feeling up his forearms.

  46. MN Sue Says:
    September 23, 2009 at 10:23 pm e

    You couldn’t pay me to press the stage again. I did that once at the Chicago HOB concert. I had a great time seeing Taylor (and KeB Mo!) up close, but once was enough. I swear someone thought my butt came with a Friends with Benefits sticker. I’ll hang with the kewl kids towards the back.

    Sue!! I was in the second row at HOB. But it wasn’t me being friendly with your butt!! hahahahah

  47. “I wouldn’t be shy talking to him alone but he might not like my feeling up his forearms.”

    hahaha, Rosie!!

  48. LOL! Rosie, what’s wrong with that! That should automatically be included.

    I think he gets to keep all the money. And even if only two people show up, that’s two hundred dollars. That is better than no hundred dollars. :o)
    For fifteen minutes, that is good money.

  49. Yeah the sad thing is that we’re willing to pay it. Willing to pay 100 dollars for a bit of fluffy fantasy! Sad (and I’m pointing the finger at myself too, cause I did it)

  50. LOL Rosie about feeling him up…. Yea, I noticed not only the suit but that awesome looking guitar. Nil tends to embarrass me so I try to keep her locked up most of the time. She went to town with that one picture I got at the Warehouse L though. Not sure if everyone saw that one. :-0 !!! It’s definitely a Nils kind of shot. (IAG, I’m refraining posting the link in case you still want to use it.)

    I understand about the “posing” smile. I don’t like it either. I took photos at the signing table after the Beau Rivage concert and concentrated on getting anything BUT those kinds of smiles. I got some nice ones but have not posted them yet. I did put one on the ning site. It was the best one too, IMO. (Nils says he’s one hunkalicious sexy man! But you all knew that anyway. Locking her back up now..) http://taylorhicks.ning.com/photo/taylor-hicks-signs-autographs?context=latest

  51. I didn’t get any fake smile when I finally did meet with Taylor. He was genuine, warm and relaxed. But it wasn’t at a m&g and that was the first time I ever met him.

  52. mamaforpeace Says:

    Leaving for Birmingham tomorrow after work. I’ll be at the Saturday show, and maybe meet some of you. Do you think I need the can of mace to fend away aggressive fans, or should I leave it at home?

  53. Oh, wow M4P! Glad to hear you are coming. I hope I get to see you there!! How am I going to figure out who anybody is?

    No, I would leave the mace home. Can you imagine the brawl? LOL

  54. Never had a meet & greet or stuck around for an autograph. Was in the front row once. That’s good enough for me. As far as M&G I’m way too cheep for THAT! LOL. Now that my best friend has let it slip that she likes him more than she did at first I may make her stick aound for me to get an autograph. LOL. In fact, whenever I send my friend Taylor vids she never comments on them but she told me the other day that she plays the Dancing Queen video often because he is just so cute and so happy that it always cheers her up.

  55. hicksaholic Says:

    Checking i from Bham. Saw Taylor in Grease last night. He is definitely the star. I was not that impressed with the overall production but I guess I have been to a few Broadway shows and it’s hard to compete with that. My college roommate thought it was great. The hair dryer girls blocked my view of the little butt wiggling when he steps out of the cone. Taylor if you’re listening please throw in a couple of extra butt wiggles tomorrow for me.
    Huge crowd waiting for Taylor afterwards. He snuck by us and a horde of other people jogging to get to the merchandise table with Clay. My roommate thought it was hilarious that several girls squealed when they recognized him.
    I did think he rushed both BSD and SMB(not as much so) but both were the highlights and he got a great reception from his hometown audience. Probably 75% sold out. Kind of a staid audience not much excitement until T came on but I thought Vince(?) Fontaine was really good too. The girl that plays Sandy is probably a child’s size 10 no kidding.
    I didn’t stick around for the autograph session. My roommate told me we could but it was with a look of resignation that she said it so I opted out.
    She will pay triple tonight at Workplay. Tonight is when she will question my sanity as I mingle searching out Nola, MN Sue, Legacy. Mamaforpeace etc. Just me telling her I am going to do that should get her placing a call to the psyche ward. But I will happily explain that I am a “normal” fan as I have no plans to stake out his parents’ home or travel from restaurant/bar to restaurant/bar covering all Taylor’s favorite past haunts.
    I think “P” should be for pilgrimmage. Isn’t that the word for going to all the holy places?
    I will also point out I don’t fly to see him to further document my normalcy.

  56. jerseyirish Says:

    hicksaholic, Nice wrap up! Nola is about an hour from B’Ham just tweeted a bit ago. Hope you guys get to meet!! The show tonight should be awesome, Taylor on his home turf he is probably pumped for tonght and tomorrow night, enjoy!!! 🙂

    JI

  57. Look for me at a table. black top, jeans, blonde hair. (haha) if you know chill i will be with her.

  58. hicksaholic Says:

    Good luck on getting a table. I won’t be there til 8 or so. I will find you I’m sure.

  59. mamaforpeace Says:

    nola, if you are still reading this… I am short, with long blondish hair. Wearing jeans and carrying a purse with a bunch of little peace signs (but of course!!!).

  60. mamaforpeace Says:

    oh, and cowboy boots!

  61. I forgot you weren’t coming till tonight! I was looking for you. LOL Thanks for the description. I’m in black jeans and a teal top. Also blond hair but about shoulder length.

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